His Grace Is Sufficient

First, thank you all for very kind messages. I know that there are so many people praying their hearts out for us, which is such a comfort. Camille is doing okay--not great, but not terrible either. Her eating has steadily gotten worse over the past few days. Yesterday, Jason and I could barely get her to eat the minimum of what she needs to eat to remain hydrated, but she is eating better so far this morning. Of even more concern is that Camille is still not gaining weight at the rate that she needs to be. Typically, babies her age gain an ounce to an ounce and a half a day. Camille is on a very high calorie formula, eating a very high volume for her weight (when we can get her to), and she is still gaining far less than an ounce a day. Even when she was in the hospital and tube-fed the high calorie formula at the high volume for her weight, she still did not gain even close to an ounce a day. We have to go into our pediatrician's office for a weight check on Friday, and if she has not gained weight sufficiently by then, then we have to start running more tests. I'm not sure what type of tests these will be--I think for metabolic disorders and other disorders that would cause her to have trouble gaining weight--but I'm not sure. So, that's the prayer request of the day. Please pray that Camille will start eating well again and begin to gain weight at the necessary rate. And, of course, please also continue to pray for a miracle for her--that she will be affected as little as possible, or heck, not at all (!!!) by her growth restriction/small head.

*******************************************
In addition to your very kind messages, other things have brought me great comfort these past few days. One was a card that I received from some very dear friends (they also sent an adorable gift too--thank you Gartner ladies!). As Jason and I read this card, we were struck with how much it applied to us and our situation. It read:

Your daughter is not here by chance,
but by God's choosing.
His hand formed her
and made her the person that she is.
He compares her to no one else-
she is one of a kind.
She will lack nothing
that His grace can't give her.
He has allowed her to be here
at this time in history
to fulfill His special purpose
for this generation.
-Roy Lessin

I think we are going to frame this card and hang it in Camille's room to remind us that God does have a special purpose for her life and for ours, and that He has formed her for that purpose.

*******************************************

One of my mom's good friends sent her a poem that really resonated with me.

My Father's way may twist and turn,
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul I'm glad to know,
He maketh no mistake.
My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away,
But I'll trust my Lord to lead
For He doth know the way.
Tho' night be dark, and it may seem
That day will never break,
I'll pin my faith, my all in Him,
He maketh no mistake.
There's so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight's far too dim;
But come what may,
I'll simply trust
And leave it all to Him.
For by and by the mist will lift
And plain it all He'll make,
Through all the way, tho' dark to me
He made not one mistake.

I know that God has not made one mistake with our lives either. Jason told me a few weeks ago that as we look into our future right now, with all of the uncertainty regarding Camille, it may seem bleak. But, he said, that he believes that when we are old, looking back on our lives, we will not see any bleakness, but only goodness. We will see the perfect plan that has unfolded for our lives, and the blessings that God has heaped upon us from Camille and her life. As this poem says, the mist will have lifted, and it will be plain the goodness God has brought to our lives. I find true comfort in that thought.

******************************************

Finally, I wrote yesterday of the darkness that I was in the days following our pediatrician's visit, and how Jason spoke such words of truth and hope to me to help bring me up. I want to share another part of our conversation that I really see as the turning point for me in my view on this situation. (As an aside, I don't want it to sound like I am over my sadness--that I don't still despair in this situation. Believe me, I still have very low moments, and probably will continue to for a long, long time. So please continue to pray for me that I will be able to conquer those moments and remain hopeful. I think the following story/scripture will help me do that. It has so far.).

Jason had been to church on Sunday with his dad and Henry, while I had stayed home with Camille. It was after church that I told him how I felt like I was at the lowest moment of my life--how I didn't think I could go on. He told me about the Welcome that had been given at our church that morning by a church member who had just been through her worst nightmare. Her husband had been very ill and it seemed like he was not going to make it. She talked about how she thought her life was over; how she had lost all hope. Some church members took her to a prayer service, where she was prayed over by our church. Our pastor, Eric's, prayer in particular resonated with her, as it did with me as Jason told me about it. Eric had prayed words from 2 Corinthians where Paul had asked God three times to remove a thorn from his flesh, and God responded, "My grace is sufficient for you." Eric repeated that over and over that night at the prayer meeting, and since Jason told me of this, I have repeated it over and over to myself as well. Truly no matter what comes, God's grace is sufficient.